I have always been interested in the concepts of process, content or result. When we do co-mediation and are asked why, we tell the couple that I am an attorney and my co-mediator is a psychologist and the attorneys are result oriented and psychologists are process oriented. When we do comediation, the couple gets the benefit of both. I have also discussed process vs. content with a good friend who is a psychiatrist. He believes that in marriages one partner is often process oriented and one is content oriented. It is better to focus on process in a marriage and in a divorce. David Foreman discusses this in an article entitled , ” Marriage Counseling Session – Process vs. Content.” See entire article at
He states, “couples are completely involved in content when the real trouble is the process – the underlying patterns of behavior and attitude that are tearing at the fabric of the relationship. The content is always changing – when it’s not the dishes it’s why one partner ignored the other at a party – but the process remains the same. It’s what’s at the root of their problems. They thought it was about stacked dishes. But they can’t even address the issue of the dishes until they address the way they speak to each other. If you leave dirty dishes in the sink you don’t deserve to be put down. This is not about dishes, it’s about attachment and the pain that happens when that attachment is broken.
Process is how things are said and how people react and feel. The content is usually irrelevant. Care about process and your relationship will grow.”
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