China has always fascinated me. I took Chinese history in college and we plan to travel to China someday. I love automobiles and marriage is part of my profession. It was a triple hit, China, marriage and automobiles.Thus, an article in the Thursday, April 24, 2008, New York Times by Keith Bradsher entitled “With First Car, a New Life in China – Attracting New Respect and a Good Marriage,” caught my eye. I You can see the entire article at
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/24/business/worldbusiness/24firstcar.html?ex=1366776000&en=77638e6bb77d4628&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink. According to Bradsher there is an explosive growth in first-time car buyers in China which is (you should excuse the pun) the driving force behind the record car sales in China. One of the reasons cited for new car buyers is the belief by parents that without a car their sons wouldn’t be able to find wives. One new wife said that “young women in China consider a man to be marriage material only if he can take them on dates in a car.”
Automobiles have always been an integral part of the courting ritual in the United States so it should not come as a surprise that automobiles are also important in China. This is certainly my memory of high school.
As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 5/7/08
Softball and Divorce
One of the advantages of living in a University town like Tucson, is that you can take advantage of all the university has to offer. We enjoy attending cultural and sport events. We recently added our first University of Arizona Women’s Softball game. The team was national champions last year and we expected an exciting game. There certainly was excitement in the air as we walked to our seats with the night lights on, music playing, the smell of hotdogs, and the announcer introducing the teams. It is always a thrill to hear the national anthem at sports events. You may be asking what does all this have to do with Divorce Mediation. I always see metaphors for mediation or the application of a sport to mediation. We learned two new things at the game. First the mercy rule and second slap hitting.
The mercy rule, also well known by the slightly less polite term slaughter rule (or, less commonly, knockout rule and skunk rule), brings a sports event to an early end when one team has a very large and presumably insurmountable lead over the other team. The mercy rule is most common in games such as baseball or softball, where there is no game clock and play could theoretically continue forever, although it is also used in sports such as hockey, football, and soccer. It made me wonder if there should be a mercy rule in divorce. Should the divorce stop when one party exceeds a certain limit of money?
We were at first confused when we saw a hitter running before she tried to hit the ball. We asked a fellow spectator what it was all about and she said it was slap hitting. She explained that slap hitting is an offensive strategy designed to place stress on the defense and provide more opportunities for our offense to score runs. The slap hitter must be concerned with getting on base anyway she can. Thus, on base percentage is much more important to her than batting average is. Using this technique, the batter first begins by running in the batter’s box and then contacts the ball. Should divorce avoid strategies which are designed to put more stress on the other party and concentrate on problem solving?
As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 5/5/08
Mediation in Cuba
A few years ago we were fortunate to take a tour of Cuba for mediators. It was organized by Vicky Ryder of New York. Cuba is a beautiful country. We met with the head of mediation for the University of Havana. I was given a book about mediation in Cuba but my high school Spanish is not good enough to read the book! Mediation is universal. We also met with the Havana Bar Association. Divorce in Cuba is not as complicated as here. There are no issues dealing with health care or housing and there is a strong presumption that the Mother retains custody of the children. Another highlight of the trip was visiting Ernest Hemingway’s home. One of the great results of the case was that I met some wonderful mediators from all over the country who have been become good friends including Jennifer Kresge.
As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 5/2/08
Divorce Ritual Follow Up – In the News
In line with my earlier blog about Divorce Ritual at http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=2995667082878877501&postID=3413758201428912468 , there was an article by Rebecca Cathcart in the April 23, 2008 New York Times entitled, “Unloading The Leftovers of Past Loves,” which mentions melting down jewelry from past relationships. See the entire article athttp://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/23/us/23jewelry.html?ex=1366689600&en=8c3bfe7d576b5e49&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink The article discusses a new website called ExboyfriendJewerly.com which allows users to sell, auction, trade, or give away of their amorous misadventures. The only requirement is that they must tell the stories behind every gift!
As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 4/30/08
Grass is Not Always Greener
One of the many things I like about divorce mediation is that a couple can view what it would be like to be divorced without “burning their bridges.” As you know, I like to use homilies! The couple has some idea of their current financial circumstances but if they are not living in the same circumstances they plan to live in when they get divorced, they have not idea of what their future circumstances will be like. I urge the couple to compare current and future finances and parenting and to decide if the “grass will be greener.” With computer programs like FinPlan by Thomson West Publishing and created by Dennis Casty, we can do financial modeling which shows a couple the financial consequences of being divorced. I tell the couple that research shows that it will cost them at least 30% more to live separately than it will cost them to live together. There are more fixed costs for things like the telephone, cable, and insurance to name a few items. The couple can also experiment with a parenting plan, child support, and alimony. Although couples think they will be happier divorced, after doing some of these exercises, they often decide to try harder to save their marriage. If they don’t save their marriage, at least they go into the divorce with a more realistic picture of what it will be like.
As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 4/28/08
Divorce by Blog and Youtube Follow Up
In line with my blog Divorce by Blog and Youtube,”
(http://centerfordivorcemediation.blogspot.com/2008/04/divorce-by-blog-and-youtube-in-news.html) recently married actor, Gary Coleman, who starred in the 1978 television comedy, “Diff’rent Strokes” and is 40 years old will be getting divorced from his 22 year old wife on Divorce Court TV on May 1 and 2
See more details athttp://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080425/ap_on_en_tv/people_gary_coleman “Divorce Court” is a syndicated show on which couples appear to settle real divorce cases. The show’s judge resolves issues such as alimony and asset division, and her decisions are legally binding. See more about Divorce Court at http://www.divorcecourt.com/ There seems to be no end on how crazy divorce can get!
As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 4/26/08
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