Not only am I a google junkie but I guess I am a New York Times junkie! The Times seems to be able to say what I am thinking better than I can. The September 10, 2008 article in the Wealth & Personal Finance section by Tara Siegel Bernard, entitled, “The Key to Wedded Bliss? Money Maters,” was one of the articles. You can read the entire article at
It emphasizes my philosophy toward mediation. It is easier to quote then paraphrase. Bernard says,
“If you ask married people why their marriage works, they are probably not going to say it’s because they found their financial soul mate.
But if they are lucky, they have. Marrying a person who shares your attitudes about money might just be the smartest financial decision you will ever make. In fact, when it comes to finances, your marriage is likely to be your most valuable asset — or your largest liability.
Marrying for love is a relatively recent phenomenon. For centuries, marriages were arranged affairs, aligning families for economic or political purposes or simply pooling the resources of those scraping by.
Today, while most of us marry for romantic reasons, marriage at its core is still a financial union. So much of what we want — or don’t want — out of life boils down to dollars and cents, whether it’s how hard we choose to work, how much we consume or how much we save. For some people, it’s working 80-hour weeks to finance a third home and country club membership; for others, it means cutting back on office hours to spend more time with the family.”
She goes on to discuss seven guidelines for a success marriage.
1. Talk and Share Goals
2. Run a Home Like a Business
3. Be Supportive of Careers
4. Enjoy, but within Reason
5. Use a Mediator
6. Main Some Independence
7. Invest in Your Marriage.
We often do guideline five, Use a Mediator, when we do Marital Mediation. Many of the divorces we mediate have been caused by financial issues. Many divorces could be avoided by following these guidelines.
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