Decision to Divorce
Adversarial Divorce
Couples have usually made the final decision to divorce before visiting a lawyer. Couples almost never change their minds. The acrimonious process causes couples to “burn their bridges” and makes reconciliation improbable.
Divorce Mediation
The decision to divorce need not be a firm decision, and the couple may take advantage of the mediation process without filing papers. In fact, we have seen marriages saved by mediation.
Commencement of Legal Action
Adversarial Divorce
Filing a complaint for a divorce upon the opposing spouse is usually completed prior to beginning negotiations about a possible settlement and is often a brutal surprise.
Divorce Mediation
The couple discusses who will be the Petitioner and who will be the Respondent and the reasons for their preferences. The couple goes to the Clerk’s office at the Superior Court together to file the Petition and for the Respondent to accept service. Not only is this a collaborative process but it is also less upsetting.
Contested Hearings
Adversarial Divorce
Contested hearings are held if negotiations fail, and may be used by attorneys to coerce a better settlement. Contested hearings are often harsh and expensive.
Divorce Mediation
Most couples attempting settlement through the mediation process are able to avoid the cost, stress, and delay of acrimonious, contested proceedings. In mediation, we offer online meetings via teleconference for couples who prefer not to mediate in person in our office.
Time to Complete
Adversarial Divorce
In a contested case, the divorce process is long and often takes a least one year.
Divorce Mediation
In most cases the mediation process is quicker than the adversarial, as mediators generally meet with the couple frequently and there is no communication lag. We often complete mediations before the 60 day waiting period required by the Court.
Compliance with Decree
Adversarial Divorce
Statistics show high levels of nonpayment of child and spousal support and frequent contempt hearings on issues of custody and visitation. These are costly emotionally and financially.
Divorce Mediation
Research has shown high rates of compliance with mediated agreements, compared to compliance with adversarial decrees. Couples are more likely to abide by an order that they helped create.
Cost
Adversarial Divorce
The adversarial system is often criticized because of its increasingly high cost.
Divorce Mediation
A mediated settlement is less costly than settlement through the adversarial process and certainly compared to contested litigation.
Outcome
Adversarial Divorce
Since the outcome is the product of a competitive conflict-resolution process, it is viewed as a victory or defeat.
Divorce Mediation
The outcome is a win-win solution that attempts to balance the needs of each spouse, through compromise.
Children
Adversarial Divorce
All too often the children are placed in the middle of the struggle between parents — thereby making them pawns in that fight. The battle does not end with the end of the divorce. It often continues for years after it is concluded, to the lasting detriment of the children who are caught in the struggle.
Divorce Mediation
It is not the divorce that will do lasting damage to the children, but rather how that divorce is accomplished and what relationship the parents have with their children after the divorce. Mediation helps children by maintaining a loving relationship between the parents and the children.